(or how not to win the love and affection of a heavily pregnant woman)
Me (wallowing in a very lovely bath which is starting to cool, in a state of deep relaxation and temporary bliss) Please could I have a hand getting out of the bath?
David: (adopting the tone of an Attenborough nature commentary): And the handlers of the whale approach the captive creature carefully, carrying the crane they will need to move the prostrate creature out of her tank. They approach with care, hoping to keep her calm. She seems relaxed enough right now but they know from experience that one wrong move could lead to devestating consequences.
Me: Just get me out
David: She has spotted their intentions and is starting to get agitated. The handlers retreat to consider how best to handle the situation from here. They know that the whale is quite capable of lashing out and causing serious damage if not handled correctly at this point.
Me: Just F***** Well Help Me Out.
David: The handlers move in with the swing section of the crane which has proved so useful for moving the sperm whales before.
Me: **** &*** **&*&"£$%$%%!
David: Oh no, there has been a terrible disaster. The creature beached before them is not as they suspected a sperm whale but the far more deadly killer whale, and she is starting to show her teeth. The handlers really must watch their actions now. One false move and they risk being crushed by the flailing fins or crunched by her vicious teeth - and look those teeth are moving and she is making sounds that suggest she is not at all happy with what is happening. What's this? She has thrown a load of water at the handlers, drenching them and damaging the crane. They need to act fast and move to remove the plug before she can manage to do so again.
Me: (with my best I'm heavily pregnant don't mess with me growl) DAVID!
David: oh success for the handlers, they have a good grip on the whale now and have eased her up out of the water. Now the handlers must run before the whale manages to catch them up... (sharp exit stage left in hysterical giggles)
Reports of a man's sad demise at the hands of his pregnant wife are only slightly exaggerated.