Notes to self

Just a few things that I really need to remember:

1. If you see some 7 year old girls learning how to cartwheel don't think 'oo, I can cartwheel, I used to cartwheel all the time and even used to do it as a party trick at college - nothing like tumbling out of a bar and then cartwheeling at speed across the court to make you feel lousy - so lets demonstrate to these girls how to do it'. It will only end in tears and humiliation. 

2. If you think that the elastic on your swimming cozzie is going it probably is. Really don't set off to do a length at speed without at least one hand on the bottom section or your dignity will (yet again) take a hit.

3. Don't think you can lock yourself in the kitchen to snaffle a few sneaky chocolates/biscuits/slices of cake without at least one of the boys coming to find out what you are up to. You will be caught red handed and the boys won't let you get away with it.

4. Camping never goes well. Contemplating taking down a tent the size of our garden in the rain whilst doing childcare as the husband suffers from a full on vomiting bug is par for the course. However everyone else in the family loves it so just accept that you are doomed to never experience that glass of chilled rose on an Italian terrace in complete silence whilst reading a book.

5. Packing always takes longer than you think, you'll pack more than you need and it never all fits in the car. This is true of a 2 week holiday or a weekend away.

6. You have 3 children. And a dog. And a husband. Getting out of the house will always take over an hour and involve at least one meltdown from the responsible adult.

7. That thing at the bottom of the laundry basket? I think it lives there.

8. Getting the giggles whilst telling the boys off is not effective. But so much of what they do is really funny. I mean, haven't you always wanted to upturn a cake bowl on your head?

9. Do not expect your husband to be able to tell the boys off without corpsing if what they have done is remotely entertaining.

10. You'll miss this time when it is gone. But you might get out of the house in under an hour.