I was chatting to another parent the other day, who casually mentioned that her child was off school sick. I expressed concern (as you do) and was totally taken aback with the reply:
Oh no, he's not actually sick, he's just a bit tired and I thought it would be better if he had a day at home.
I can understand the concept, very tired children do need a bit of a break every now and then, but I would never think of keeping my children away from school just because they were a bit tired. The only times my kids are off school is when they are properly sick - so sick that when they lie on the sofa watching DVDs (their idea of heaven) they actually go to sleep.
I had a little moment of worry that I'm being a bit mean to my boys. Maybe they would benefit from the odd duvet day at home with Mummy.
Unluckily for my boys I thought about it a bit more. There is no reason for them to be at home, they aren't sick, there aren't any issues that they are dealing with, they are both happy at school, there is nothing that might suggest the odd day off would benefit them.
Furthermore, I believe that it is important for the class that all the children should be at school as much as they can be. Absences mean children miss lessons and learning and can start to fall behind. Group work is more difficult when one child is absent and regularly absent children somehow devalue the importance of school and education.
Then there is also the pattern that is being set for adult life. I'm a strong believer in Just Getting On With It. It is far easier to Just Get On With It when there is no temptation of staying at home on a day you don't fancy going to work. Once you've had that duvet day once it is really hard to ignore the temptation of doing it again.
I am interested to know though, am I a bit on the extreme end of things? At what point do people say 'little Johnny is too sick to come to school today?'
Pffft Just get on with it and woe betide if you make a fuss whilst doing it.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, mine have to have a proper temperature or a limb hanging off before they get a sick day.
I agree with you. Mine love school anyway but if I kept them off cos they were tired, they'd find an excuse to do it again.
ReplyDeleteAlso, why is the child tired? Its just after half term, a couple of early nights will fix that. If either of mine were tired for a justifiable reason, I'd mention it to the teacher so they were aware.
I blogged back in March that limited amounts of term time hols can be beneficial as we took Monkey to Barcelona and he learned.loads. However, semi regular days just because they were tired is not on. Neither of mine have had a day sick yet, tho we collected one a bit early one afternoon when he was clearly not well. They have gone in with coughs as long as they have been OK apart from that, and runny noses. I am lucky they are not sickly children.
Mine have to be really ill to have a day off, I am not a soft mother at all. They need to learn responsibilities, they can not have a day off life cause they are tired. Just imagine me saying I am having a day off being a mother, as I a tired
ReplyDeleteCan you take a day off parenting because you're just a bit tired?
ReplyDeleteJust asking... Bad night last night...
But on the other point I totally agree with you. In fact L currently has a very mild ear infection (I thought it was just her whinging but the doctor (B made us go) says not, although not bad enough for antibiotics) and I gave her the option - school or the afternoon sitting quietly in bed. No telly, obviously. She opted for school pretty quickly. That's pre-school though. I think when it comes to real school unless the tiredness is so extreme they're not functioning or they're recovering from something and tired as a result they go to school - the school can always send them home again after all.
But then I'm the harsh woman who didn't believe her daughter when she said her ear hurt....
I have never let my kid stay home if he's not sick. Thankfully he's never asked either.
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine did exactly the same thing yesterday (kept her son off school as he hadn't slept well the night before and neither had she). I'm not criticising her as they have recently lost two close family members and I can only imagine what they are going through. I am with you though we all have to push through tired, hungover, whatever and letting them have a day off without actually being ill/infectious etc doesn't give them an idea about real life. x
ReplyDeleteThat's just s concept I don't understand. Surely you are teaching the ethos that if you feel a bit tired its ok to do nothing and that has got to be something that will be carried on into adult life. I'm not saying as an adult I have never done this, but I don't think its a good thing to teach your child to do xx
ReplyDeleteI am totally with you too. Seriously, if we took days off every time Littleboy 2 said he was too tired for school, he'd never go! Mine have to be running a fever or completely unable to eat before I'd even consider a day off.
ReplyDeleteAll this about teaching the child to learn how to be responsible and carry on regardless sounds a bit like justification for adults getting their own back on the sources of their sleep deprivation/exhaustion/whatever. Assuming that a child goes to school for an education and not just simply to be locked away until its parents can cope with having it back, isn't it rather important to give at least a moment's thought to the input/output mathematics of teaching a tired child?
ReplyDeleteUnless the tiredness is related to illness I think they should go to school. A 'bit tired' is not 'so tired they cannot function' and we've all managed to go to work or Uni (especially after late Thursday nights) a bit tired and been able to be productive.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a child who is being mollycoddled. Maybe he just needs to go to bed earlier.
ReplyDeleteI can see I'm seriously outnumbered here but as a kid my Mum would occasionally keep me off if she could see I was struggling in the tiredness department (and she was a teacher!!) - but at the same time she really drilled into me the 'put another jumper on' ethos (ie if you're cold put another jumper on and run around a bit quicker-ie get on with it) - don't know how she did it but she judged the situation there and then - and I think she was right. We went ot bed early, were not over doing the out of school activities (like so many kids seem to do these days, we had a good diet etc so if she could see I was over-tired, I really was. As a teacher and a Mum I think parents have to use their judgement - you know your kids, you know what they can handle and you know when they have simply had enough - if they are seriously tired surely it's better to keep them off for one day, get them rested and then they go back with their batteries recharged rather than send them in knackered with them feeling exhausted and not able to function or learn like they should. Parents need to listen to their children - even if they aren't actually saying anything. Sorry if I've gone on a bit........
ReplyDeleteI was brought up on "If you are ill enough to be off school, you are ill enough to be in bed" so I am afraid, I am passing this one down the line - they are, as you can imagine, rarely off school! Maybe a bit strict, but normally they have to have a temperature, be physically sick or just really look ill... Does this make me a bad and rather strict mother?
ReplyDeleteI think children endlessly being off makes it harder for the teachers, too. Lessons are planned around group activities, and children often get put together to make things. If someone is missing it can put things out of joint. Routine is so important, and sometimes you have to learn that you have to carry on, even if you are feeling a bit 'duvet'.
ReplyDeleteI let my boys have the occasional duvet day when I judge them to be so run down and tired that they can't function. Some may call this being ill. ON these days teh boys mostly stay asleep because it is just they are knackered and tehy need it in order to get better!
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I'd only send little L when she was really ill, I reckon - but that's another bridge I still haven't' had to cross.
ReplyDeleteBtw, your twitter profile reads 'one in the making'. Are you pregnant again???
I think a child has to be ill, not just tired, to be off school. But there is a bit of a grey area. I've kept a child off school because I though they were ill (complaining of headache, or whatever), and as the day wore on, decided that they were probably just over-tired, or perhaps fighting something off.
ReplyDeleteThe hard days to judge are the ones after an illness. At what point is your child well enough to do a whole school day? That's a hard call.
I am entirely with you on this. I too would love a duvet day from work, but I don't. Even when I'm ACTUALLY ill, I do a little bit of work! The time to have duvet days, for us, is today! Getting home at midnight from a firework party at a friend's house is tiring for a 5 year old, and as we all woke up late, we haven't moved much today except to collect the car from down the road. Sundays in winter are duvet days!
ReplyDeletePS I know a mum who has kept their child off school because they were up in the night (not ill) and because the mum doesn't like getting up. Hmmm.
They should definitely be ill. Otherwise its undermining the school and the child on so many different levels.
ReplyDeleteTHere's only so much you can do about creative malingering, however :)
I also agree with you even though I haven't got to that stage yet. I think the whole creating a mindset of getting on with it is really important for adult life but starts when kids are little.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. My daughter wanted a day off because she was tired. I said no and, like Not Supermum says, told her to have an early night. I've learnt the hard way the difference between her being genuinely ill and just faking it to get a day off. Thankfully she loves school and is always keen to go in.
ReplyDeleteFirmly in the get on with it camp - it's about mindset and learning that you can carry on when you feel poorly
ReplyDeleteThere's a few people at work that call in with the slightest bit of illness and it's really irritating - the work doesn't disappear because you are ill, it just stacks up
My husband and I are hard workers and carry on even if feeling poorly, but...
ReplyDelete... as a parent you know your children the best. If you think that your child needs to have a rest-day then so be it. My mum had 6 of us and noticed that one day off school avoided week off being seriously ill! As we grew older she taught us to be more responsible with time - rest and work both important.
But what really irritates me is the parent who fill their sick and feverish LO's with Calpol and Nurofen and send them to school... and switch their phones off!!! Personally I think that sick and whiny child at school (all day...several days...) is more disturbing than helping to catch up... #
As an adult, we can cope, but they are little and need some rest... If you think that your child is unwell enough to have some medicine they are probably unwell enough to go to school...
Janne x
sonriendo - mine too. If their heads are still attached to their bodies and all that ;-)
ReplyDeleteAnon - mine would find an excuse. They try every morning as it is!
MadHouse - exactly
plan B - I've done similar. Not my finest parenting hour.
Mrs. B - do you think if you let him stay at home once then he would start to ask?
Louise - I do understand that there can be extenuating circumstances - and this sounds like it. but in a day to day situation?
Nat - me neither
ReplyDeleteNVG - I also need visible unfakable proof before they are allowed to stay at home.
Owen - more important to get the adult to realise the child shouldn't be so tired, surely?
fiona - exactly
NotSupermum - my thoughts precisely
Kathryn - Your Mum sounds like a legend. I can see the point, but I think few parents can actually pull it off. Thanks for your comment!
Lunchbox - I'm the same.
Angelsandurchins - I think so too
Tattie - I can see if they are totally whacked then it does make sense. But mine would probably be bouncing off the walls by about 11.
Met Mum - NO! v. old twitter profile. Must change it.
Iota - fighting something off is a tough call. And those getting better days are, indeed, a very hard call.
Humdrum Mum Hmmmm indeed!
Dadwhowrites - I have a brother, now an actor, who is a legendary creative malinger. My sons have no hope, I can spot it a mile off.
ReplyDeletetanya - exactly
rosie - it does help when they like school
Muddling - exactly
Anon - With you on the sending the child to school when they actually are ill - that isn't fair on the child - or any of the other children they infect.
My kids are rarely ill and I tend to be a bit of a dragon about letting them stay home--if it's not a fever or lost body part, I don't want to hear about it. That being said, I keep in mind the concept of 3 'mental health' days per school year. I don't think any of my kids has used more than one. But, if my kid is down, needs a little home time, I don't have a problem with missing school. It's all about teaching the kid to listen to him/herself.
ReplyDelete(oops, can't my name to post properly: http://nederlandsgirl.livejournal.com/)
I'm a child, and in the past I have been so over run as I was in 2 plays wih rehearsals every week util 10 p.m, had millions of essays and homework, and was struggling to keep up. It got to the point that I broke down in teras, and my mum thought it was best for my physical and mental health, that I had a day off to get my strength back and catch up and prepare for my perfomances. After that day I felt great and yes you shouldn't take a day off just for feeling tired, but when it gets so bad that it affects your mental health you should have a day of rest.
ReplyDeleteSometimes people don't realise how much pressure children have nowadays, and I think it is wrong to force them into school as when your tired you can't lean, so you won't learn and you will just get even mor tired! t is a vicious cycle.
Sorry if you thing I am biases, but I'm speaking from experience. xx