We've entered a whole new phase in the parent child relationship. One that I'm quite liking. One that makes me smile and feel good, before remembering that I'm such a sucker.
The little darlings, bless their cottons, have worked out that if they praise me they are far more likely to get a better reaction. They know that demanding countless biscuits is only going to lead to me going 'NO YOU CAN'T' in more and more aggravated tones. But if, when they are given a biscuit say something along the lines of
Mummy, you are such a good Mummy
or
Mummy you are doing so well today
or even
Good Job Mummy! You did did brilliantly!
(all honest to God things that have been said to me in response to a biscuit/treat of some description in the last week).
And do you know what? It works! I totally want to give them more treats to get more praise from my children. Which tells me several things.
1. I'm a sucker for having smoke blown up my ass
2. I'm being manipulated by 2 total pros.
3. They're good, they really are good.
4. I really need to stop being so desperate for other peoples good opinion of my actions
5. Praise works.
Now I'm off to learn a few new parenting tricks from the masters... my sons.
Sunday, 28 August 2011
Friday, 19 August 2011
Notes to self
Just a few things that I really need to remember:
1. If you see some 7 year old girls learning how to cartwheel don't think 'oo, I can cartwheel, I used to cartwheel all the time and even used to do it as a party trick at college - nothing like tumbling out of a bar and then cartwheeling at speed across the court to make you feel lousy - so lets demonstrate to these girls how to do it'. It will only end in tears and humiliation.
2. If you think that the elastic on your swimming cozzie is going it probably is. Really don't set off to do a length at speed without at least one hand on the bottom section or your dignity will (yet again) take a hit.
3. Don't think you can lock yourself in the kitchen to snaffle a few sneaky chocolates/biscuits/slices of cake without at least one of the boys coming to find out what you are up to. You will be caught red handed and the boys won't let you get away with it.
4. Camping never goes well. Contemplating taking down a tent the size of our garden in the rain whilst doing childcare as the husband suffers from a full on vomiting bug is par for the course. However everyone else in the family loves it so just accept that you are doomed to never experience that glass of chilled rose on an Italian terrace in complete silence whilst reading a book.
5. Packing always takes longer than you think, you'll pack more than you need and it never all fits in the car. This is true of a 2 week holiday or a weekend away.
6. You have 3 children. And a dog. And a husband. Getting out of the house will always take over an hour and involve at least one meltdown from the responsible adult.
7. That thing at the bottom of the laundry basket? I think it lives there.
8. Getting the giggles whilst telling the boys off is not effective. But so much of what they do is really funny. I mean, haven't you always wanted to upturn a cake bowl on your head?
9. Do not expect your husband to be able to tell the boys off without corpsing if what they have done is remotely entertaining.
10. You'll miss this time when it is gone. But you might get out of the house in under an hour.
1. If you see some 7 year old girls learning how to cartwheel don't think 'oo, I can cartwheel, I used to cartwheel all the time and even used to do it as a party trick at college - nothing like tumbling out of a bar and then cartwheeling at speed across the court to make you feel lousy - so lets demonstrate to these girls how to do it'. It will only end in tears and humiliation.
2. If you think that the elastic on your swimming cozzie is going it probably is. Really don't set off to do a length at speed without at least one hand on the bottom section or your dignity will (yet again) take a hit.
3. Don't think you can lock yourself in the kitchen to snaffle a few sneaky chocolates/biscuits/slices of cake without at least one of the boys coming to find out what you are up to. You will be caught red handed and the boys won't let you get away with it.
4. Camping never goes well. Contemplating taking down a tent the size of our garden in the rain whilst doing childcare as the husband suffers from a full on vomiting bug is par for the course. However everyone else in the family loves it so just accept that you are doomed to never experience that glass of chilled rose on an Italian terrace in complete silence whilst reading a book.
5. Packing always takes longer than you think, you'll pack more than you need and it never all fits in the car. This is true of a 2 week holiday or a weekend away.
6. You have 3 children. And a dog. And a husband. Getting out of the house will always take over an hour and involve at least one meltdown from the responsible adult.
7. That thing at the bottom of the laundry basket? I think it lives there.
8. Getting the giggles whilst telling the boys off is not effective. But so much of what they do is really funny. I mean, haven't you always wanted to upturn a cake bowl on your head?
9. Do not expect your husband to be able to tell the boys off without corpsing if what they have done is remotely entertaining.
10. You'll miss this time when it is gone. But you might get out of the house in under an hour.
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
Review: Paper Jamz Guitars
May I just say that the Paper Jamz Guitar is a toy of great genius. A 2-D toy guitar (it really is surprisingly thin) which has 3 pre recorded songs loaded onto it which you can strum along to over the (virtual) strings. It requires no formal guitar knowledge to get a cracking rocking song going but different modes mean that more knowledgeable people can freestyle to their hearts content. I'm not really surprised to discover it won the Innovation Toy of the Year at Nuremberg Toy Fair in 2010.
Obviously my boys love it, any opportunity to strut around the stage (our front room), bare chested, rocking the afternoon away with every lead guitar pose known to a rock band was always going to go down well. Have they used the more advanced settings? Well no, but then they are only 6 and 4, they might have a go when they get older.
I had always expected my boys to love it. What I didn't expect was the extent to which any male that ventures into our front room is drawn to it before rocking the evening away with every lead guitar pose known to a rock ban. Something to be said about boys never growing up? Probably although quite a lot of my Mummy friends have had a good go as well.
I guess having 3 modes is helpful. So my little lads can have it on the most basic function where all they need to do is wave their little hands over the string to create a cracking rocking moment. The older males venture onto the more sophisticated modes, where they can play the rhythm or go completely freestyle. People seem to find the mode they like and stick with it. Everyone seems to have an inner rock god and we've seen quite a few unexpectedly appear in conjunction with the guitar.
Niggles? Well, I'd have liked a strap to be included with the guitar. And ideally I'd prefer to have had more songs on the guitar, or the ability to load more onto it. And that is genuinely it. It takes up almost no room in storage. The batteries have lasted pretty well. And as I've taken so long to write this review I can confirm that 2 months on the boys are still playing with it quite a bit. Love it.
This is a review post for which I received a WowWee Paper Jamz Guitar (RRP £19.99) to review and keep free of charge.
Sunday, 14 August 2011
How do you feel about other people disciplining your child?
Picture the scene.
We're at a local attraction. My boys are playing with various bits and pieces. Luke in particular is enjoying himself playing with these toys. He is really enjoying it and wanting to play with all of the toys. So I step in and have a conversation with him about sharing and about how it is much fairer if all the children have one toy and then everyone can have a go. This conversation goes on for a while as we have to repeat the lesson many times, it is a difficult one to learn after all.
Another small boy steps in and grabs Luke's toy, meaning he now has two toys and Luke has none. Luke looks at me in anguish. He knows that he can't just grab it (good boy, although had I not been there he probably would have taken that exact action). But the little boy isn't giving it back. I wait for a little while but nothing seems to be happening. Luke is becoming a bit upset, his toy has been grabbed off him and not this boy has two and he has none and That Isn't Fair.
I take a deep breath and say to the boy, in a gentle, conversational tone
You've got two toys and this boy hasn't got any. Don't you think it is a good idea to give him one and then everyone will have one and that's fair.
Out of nowhere swooped the mother, hissing
If I want my child disciplined then I'll do it myself.
I really was taken aback. I mean I didn't really think that was disciplining him, I was just pointing out that he should be sharing the toys, particularly as he'd just grabbed one off Luke.
Having spent a few years in Bosnia, where the mantra really is 'It takes a village to raise a child' and where everyone disciplines everyone's children, I genuinely don't have a problem with other adults letting my children know that their behaviour is not acceptable. Often it isn't and I feel that having other people tell them that reinforces my message about how to behave.
Clearly there is a line that can't be crossed. I would have a problem with someone physically slapping the boys or really shouting at them. But a quiet word pointing out the error of their ways. Not the slightest bit of an issue.
I felt very angry with this woman. I felt that the message she was giving to her son was that it was OK to grab a toy and not to share it as long as he did it where she couldn't see it. I felt that she was telling him that he didn't need to listen to what another adult said, and wondered how that would translate for the little boy when he went to school.
What do other people think. I'm genuinely interested to know, did I overstep the mark? Obviously you only have my side of the story here, but was I out of line?
We're at a local attraction. My boys are playing with various bits and pieces. Luke in particular is enjoying himself playing with these toys. He is really enjoying it and wanting to play with all of the toys. So I step in and have a conversation with him about sharing and about how it is much fairer if all the children have one toy and then everyone can have a go. This conversation goes on for a while as we have to repeat the lesson many times, it is a difficult one to learn after all.
Another small boy steps in and grabs Luke's toy, meaning he now has two toys and Luke has none. Luke looks at me in anguish. He knows that he can't just grab it (good boy, although had I not been there he probably would have taken that exact action). But the little boy isn't giving it back. I wait for a little while but nothing seems to be happening. Luke is becoming a bit upset, his toy has been grabbed off him and not this boy has two and he has none and That Isn't Fair.
I take a deep breath and say to the boy, in a gentle, conversational tone
You've got two toys and this boy hasn't got any. Don't you think it is a good idea to give him one and then everyone will have one and that's fair.
Out of nowhere swooped the mother, hissing
If I want my child disciplined then I'll do it myself.
I really was taken aback. I mean I didn't really think that was disciplining him, I was just pointing out that he should be sharing the toys, particularly as he'd just grabbed one off Luke.
Having spent a few years in Bosnia, where the mantra really is 'It takes a village to raise a child' and where everyone disciplines everyone's children, I genuinely don't have a problem with other adults letting my children know that their behaviour is not acceptable. Often it isn't and I feel that having other people tell them that reinforces my message about how to behave.
Clearly there is a line that can't be crossed. I would have a problem with someone physically slapping the boys or really shouting at them. But a quiet word pointing out the error of their ways. Not the slightest bit of an issue.
I felt very angry with this woman. I felt that the message she was giving to her son was that it was OK to grab a toy and not to share it as long as he did it where she couldn't see it. I felt that she was telling him that he didn't need to listen to what another adult said, and wondered how that would translate for the little boy when he went to school.
What do other people think. I'm genuinely interested to know, did I overstep the mark? Obviously you only have my side of the story here, but was I out of line?
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
A thought for Srebrenica.
It's midway through August already. Which means that amidst the household chaos and general mayhem I didn't blog about an important anniversary.
In the middle of July 1995, some 8,000 Bosnian Muslim (Bosniak) men and boys from Srebrenica were killed by the Bosnian Serb army led by Gen. Ratko Mladic. The men were separated from the women, put onto buses and then drived to throughout the Drina Valley and executed in cold blood. Some men, fearing the worst, tried to make a run for it, through Serb territory but few made it to Bosniak territory before being slaughtered.
What is really hitting me hard about the anniversary this year is that it feels as if it is starting to pass into history. 16 years is a long time. So much has happened in the world since then. Wars in Iraq and Afganistan, not to mention civil conflicts not unlike that that Bosnia endured in Libya and possibly other middle eastern countries. Suddenly Srebrenica feels like a long time ago. Even the arrest of Mladic this year only served to make it feel as if it was from another era. One that is now closing.
But for the women who lost fathers, sons and husbands those terrible days in July 1995, it isn't history. It is their lives that they continue to live every day without their families.
Take a moment to remember Srebrenica. How much it is still a part of our lives. What fades from newsprint, overshadowed by other more recent atrocities, does not move into the realms of history. Not yet. Not when it is still so real for so many people.
In the middle of July 1995, some 8,000 Bosnian Muslim (Bosniak) men and boys from Srebrenica were killed by the Bosnian Serb army led by Gen. Ratko Mladic. The men were separated from the women, put onto buses and then drived to throughout the Drina Valley and executed in cold blood. Some men, fearing the worst, tried to make a run for it, through Serb territory but few made it to Bosniak territory before being slaughtered.
What is really hitting me hard about the anniversary this year is that it feels as if it is starting to pass into history. 16 years is a long time. So much has happened in the world since then. Wars in Iraq and Afganistan, not to mention civil conflicts not unlike that that Bosnia endured in Libya and possibly other middle eastern countries. Suddenly Srebrenica feels like a long time ago. Even the arrest of Mladic this year only served to make it feel as if it was from another era. One that is now closing.
But for the women who lost fathers, sons and husbands those terrible days in July 1995, it isn't history. It is their lives that they continue to live every day without their families.
Take a moment to remember Srebrenica. How much it is still a part of our lives. What fades from newsprint, overshadowed by other more recent atrocities, does not move into the realms of history. Not yet. Not when it is still so real for so many people.
Saturday, 6 August 2011
What the eye sees
Taking some inspiration from the marvellous London City Mum (who's What The Eye Sees posts are the stuff of legend), I snapped this little gem out and about earlier on today.
She appears to be wearing two different sorts of shoes. Quite ridiculous. What was she thinking?
Oh hang on a minute. She appears to be me. And why am I wearing 2 different shoes out and about? Because my delightful children have hidden the others. Can I find them anywhere? Can I Pfffft. Still, you have to look on the bright side. At least they left me one left and one right one.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)